how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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