Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
