Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
