Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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