I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
