Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Edward fifth and chaser hands
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
