i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
