"it" just moved
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
