Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
