This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
