mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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