My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
