ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
