This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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