Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well I just put wine in my tea
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
