I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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