I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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