I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
