and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
