When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
