i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
