ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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