Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
