Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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