The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
