I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
