she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
