Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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