True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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