Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
