that's an acceptable place to lick
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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