You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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