she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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