i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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