Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
