sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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