The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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