You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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