dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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