He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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