Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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