I smell stomach acid.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Congratulations! We have a period
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
