Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
