Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
