I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
