So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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