The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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