dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
