Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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