i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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