I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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