I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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