How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Yo dont text me then not text me
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
