if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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