porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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