maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
