I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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