does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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